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Managed

Managed care, do not get me started. It is the bane of my existence and my savior. If quadriplegia has curtailed my activities, and it has, then being in a home has curtailed even more. I've had to dumb it down and set my standards low.

Gone, are the halcyon days of getting in my wheelchair to go for a stroll or sit in the sun, or even sit in the sun room. Neither the nurses, nor patient care technicians, know how to put me in my wheelchair. Seriously. My chair has head controls and it is a bafflement. Most caregivers don't even realize I have head controls. First, they hit the left head pad when they lift the armrest which turns the chair on. Next, they sling me over and place me in the chair. The problem? My head, naturally, rests on the headrest, which accelerates and drives the chair and is beyond my control. Running over a caregiver or running myself into an obstruction are very real consequences of their ignorance. What could be worse? The caregivers remain clueless about the cause. And of course, I am powerless to explain or offer a warning.

Because I'm so vulnerable getting into my wheelchair, I choose to forgo the opportunity, but as a consequence, I miss out on community, events, and adventures. I am ever more isolated. That is just how it is.

Another casualty of living in a home is my power of choice regarding food.  Under the guise of safety, I've lost my right to the same foods as my fellow patient. My menu may say Shrimp Louie but I get a pile of limp, cold, tiny, canned shrimp. No dressing, no nothing, and no recourse. No thank you. My menu may offer lamb, but fellow patients get aspic. Aspic is taste enhancing and not even, remotely, unsafe. I get offered lemon cake, jello cake, and bread pudding but I have to eat them in slurry form. Well, I refuse to eat modified food, One, that diminishes the taste, and Two, it doesn't flamin' need it! I never see fresh pear slices, feta cheese, kalamata olives, other taste enhancing and safe to eat on my diet foods that others eat in this facility. Salmon and Shrimp are cooked to death, I've given up ordering it even though, I love both.

My world has been reduced, it is a fact of life for me now. My life is my room, my audiobooks, television, and some, internet, when my family isn't here. Suck it up and be grateful, you say? I have and I am. I'm venting. Grrr.

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