I've really had to work at the art of foregiveness. Still do. It goes against my natural instincts. When you hurt me, I want to crush you. Then, I want to fan the flames of my resentment. I want everybody to know you for the lousy human being you are.
Thank God, I found Alcoholics Anonymous and did the work. In fact, I still have to. Being terminally ill does not give me a pass. I've had to continue to work on resentments, lest they take over my life.
As a woman with ALS robbing me of my movement and voice, I have lots of time on my hands. Time I could spend nurturing petty grievances into full blown hatreds. And, if you think I can't drink just because I'm paralyzed and can't tolerate thin liquids, then you know nothing of the power of addiction behavior. We have ways. I get offered opportunities to drink alcohol all the time. And, I have a nifty PEG tube, a direct pathway right to my stomach. I have the potential to shotgun like never before!
Not to mention, drugs are a mere lie away. My disease has tremendous pain potential and I am in pain. But, I continue to chose sobriety because I've grown to appreciate reality. Even the reality of my present circumstance. Despite all the losses, life still holds beauty, love, laughter and wonder. I want to be present.
Sobriety is simple but it's not easy. Digging deep is painful but you will heal, IF you get all the poison out. Do it. Do it now. Nothing is as important as this surgery of your soul. Your future is at stake. Get on it.
Thank God, I found Alcoholics Anonymous and did the work. In fact, I still have to. Being terminally ill does not give me a pass. I've had to continue to work on resentments, lest they take over my life.
As a woman with ALS robbing me of my movement and voice, I have lots of time on my hands. Time I could spend nurturing petty grievances into full blown hatreds. And, if you think I can't drink just because I'm paralyzed and can't tolerate thin liquids, then you know nothing of the power of addiction behavior. We have ways. I get offered opportunities to drink alcohol all the time. And, I have a nifty PEG tube, a direct pathway right to my stomach. I have the potential to shotgun like never before!
Not to mention, drugs are a mere lie away. My disease has tremendous pain potential and I am in pain. But, I continue to chose sobriety because I've grown to appreciate reality. Even the reality of my present circumstance. Despite all the losses, life still holds beauty, love, laughter and wonder. I want to be present.
Sobriety is simple but it's not easy. Digging deep is painful but you will heal, IF you get all the poison out. Do it. Do it now. Nothing is as important as this surgery of your soul. Your future is at stake. Get on it.
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