Struggle

I struggle. In many ways, I struggle. I struggle to be heard--to be understood as the muscles atrophy in my mouth, tongue, and throat, such is the reality of dysphagia. I struggle to move food from one side to the other within the confines of my mouth. I struggle to chew, to swallow, to nourish my body in a natural manner.

I struggle to keep positive in the face of the losing battle that is ALS at this point in time. I struggle to graciously accept the fact that the majority of my friends and family don't understand this disease and keep their distance from me.

I struggle to be kind to caregivers who don't know how to care for me -nor follow my care plan. I struggle to stay awake during the day. I struggle to be patient when I get yet another person unfamiliar with my eating/feeding routine.

I struggle to pray and meditate each day. I struggle to dream up topics for my blog. I struggle to keep out of regret, remorse, and resentments. I struggle with decisions I've made to keep certain people out of my life.