IntrinsicTina

2 I reluctantly, very reluctantly, awoke from a very tactile memory dream. I had a card table set up in the living room, upon it, a partially worked jigsaw puzzle, a 1500-piece monstrosity. All the pieces were turned right-side up and separate sections were assembled, like little rafts or islands ready to be connected up with the mainland. Like days gone past, I'd scan the table for certain color combinations and shapes then try to fit them in.  This time, I was looking for leafless dark branches fingering out on a background of robin's egg blue sky, my favorite -- high contrast. Unlike days gone by, the kodak-color, high gloss pictured lid is not propped up on the corner of the table lending guidance. I notice the deepening shadows in the room and go for a lamp to put a little light on the subject. The lamp is an ancient relic, a yellowed marble-patterned spike with an equally yellowed lampshade. Plugging in the thick braided cord with it's oblong yellowed plug, produc...

I have a very rich dream life, it allows me to do things that, frankly, I can only dream about. Just the other night, I was a young recruit in physical fitness training. I was one of many and I was lost amongst the many when I wanted to be one of the few, one who excelled at running. I talked a local health club into accepting me as a member despite their reservations over having military clients, due to their rowdiness. They recognized me as a member of the military because of my "high and tight". (Yeah, I told ya, rich dream life!) Three of my compatriots did likewise, so we trained together. You'd think we'd run on the treadmill but no. We trained in the swimming pool, both swimming and running. Naturally, we almost got "the boot" for horseplay. What was most interesting to me was how we defied physics, training ourselves to run flat out by running sideways on the pool walls. With the pool full of water, no less! I loved the feeling of running, Espe...

I had a sketchy dream, most of them are. I had hiked up a gorgeously green hillside with companions, when we came upon a wide, tan vehicle. It was intriguing and different so we gathered around it. Sauntering up behind us, the owner started getting the vehicle ready For flight! Mistaking the vehicle for a road-borne craft, we were shocked. And irresistibly drawn to it. I, uncharacteristically, asked for a ride and landed a gracious invite. He was on his way to Boeing to make a document delivery and decided to let us tag along. The helicopter-esque craft had no blades but manuevered much in the same way. We lifted up, seemingly, without effort, encircling the area, admiring the waterways, greenways, and acres of white, light industrial and office buildings (looking a lot like Microsoft). Cars and roadways weren't in evidence on this tour. I commented to the pilot, my surprise at the lack of windows in the footwells, unlike my helicopter tour of the Hoover Dam. This lack did not im...

I seem to dream of everything that has ever happened in my life. In these dreams, I am whole, I have ALS but I have yet to display the symptoms. I am walking, talking, using my hands and fingers normally. I am not extraordinary, just as I was in my real life, performing routine activities on an above average level. A sought after employee that held herself in low esteem--always striving for perfection. Last night I went back to work at Wendy's Old-fashioned Hamburgers in Kent, Washington, the site of my first job. Lord only knows why. I was positioned in the front end as order coordinator but given no instruction; it was assumed I knew what I was doing as a former employee, regardless of the elapsed thirty-five years between then and now. The first order came in as I stood between the cashier and grill operator; I strained to recall the activities of my role. Do I lay down the bun and layer on the condiments for the grillman? Wrapper or no? Dip the chili? Ready the drinks? I ...

.My life, I live in increments. Periods of lucid awakeness, spanning shorter times. Less incentive to stay conscious. Poor facsimile of life. Downward escalator to death. I spend so much time in the different levels of sleep, I can almost recognize them when I'm in them. Why I dream of my exhusband so often, I do not know. Last night, I dreamt that I was to live with him in the .posh condominium of his deceased wife, (his current wife). He wasn't happy with the requirement and proceeded to treat me as horribly as possible. Not answering courteous questions I asked him, like "What would you like me to do? " He was moving ornate Oriental furnishings into the well-crafted one story home and I was trying to put everything away in a way that pleased him. Unfortunately, nothing pleased him. He held me in absolute disdain and scorn. Neighbors came by to welcome him back, giving me sidelong knowing glances. I kept searching the myriad cabinets and drawers for something to...

I had a dream last night. Actually, I dream every night and quite vividly, I might add. But last night included my sister, Dawn. That was rare. I dreamed of a glittery party which included our own President Obama. Weird on many levels. Many of her friends attended. It was an outdoor event at the White House. Then it morphed into her friend's backyard, then I was alone in her backyard in Black Diamond. (she doesn't live in Black Diamond.) then I sit down on her lawn and begin pulling up dandelions under a tree. I'm thinking while I'm pulling, reflecting on her life, particularly, about all the times she surprised me. And I'm realizing how unfair I've been to her. And how I've never told her how proud I am of her. There's a lot to be proud of. First, like me, she managed to rise above her heredity and life circumstance and get sober. Not a small feat considering our socioeconomic status (poor white trash), history of abuse, and subsequent low self esteem...