IntrinsicTina

What did you get for Christmas? Or what did you give? Unfortunately, I  did not give anything, not that I did not try. Just another unfortunate example of what I cannot do for myself, even though I have an augmentative and alternative communication device. After a Christmas morning of quiet, personal lamenting and escaping reality through sleep, my family showed up with gifts and laughter.  Precisely what I needed to lift my flagging spirits. My sister, my surviving sister, the one who, allegedly, doesn't cook, cooked a whole Christmas dinner. My family invited my husband for the Christmas dinner and he brought my mom and dad out to their place in Puyallup. Part of me was jealous that I wasn't even given the opportunity to participate, but a bigger part of me was grateful. I was grateful for the knowledge that my family has fully enfolded my husband into the family, and he won't be alone after I'm gone. I also benefited from her Christmas dinner preparation, the...

Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas (full version) ♫ On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♩  On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♩  On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♩  On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♩  On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Five red heart ornaments, four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♩  On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Six bags of kisses, five red heart ornaments, four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pic...

Getting right to it, Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas nears it's crescendo:  ♫ On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... eleven Trophy Cupcakes, ten Snowman bright lights, nine Fran's dark chocolates, eight Christmas crackers, seven cotton candies, six bags of kisses, five red heart ornaments..........four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♫ I have to share with you, the effort my husband is making. He brought me a few different choices for the eleventh day of Christmas: Eleven candy canes, eleven Lindor truffles, and eleven Trophy Cupcakes. Of course, I cannot possibly eat all of the nummy goodies, so my caregivers are, deservedly, getting tasty holiday treats.

24 24 24 My favorite Christmas took place in West Yellowstone, Montana. My husband and I took my daughter to snowmobile Yellowstone National Park. Sixteen, curly, honey-blonde, lightly-blemished, a new driver, full of the cockiness of youth, exuding the air of boredom that only a teenager exhibits when confronted with unfamiliar circumstances. We procured a room upon arrival, the Best Western, abandoning our habit of driving into the night, and sleeping in the car, in a bear-threatened campground. We walked the tiny town, amid parka, polar fleece, wool, and boot-wearing tourists, browsing souvenir shops and dodging sports utility vehicles towing personal snow machines, mobbing the ranger station for tour permits. Snowmobile Rentals, flurry of trying on snowsuits, gloves, and boots, Should we buy balaclavas? Let's get this party started! We depart with a guide, my husband on one machine, myself and my daughter on another, six other snow machines in our caravan, You are entering ...

♫ Ten, ten, ten, ten, let's sing a song of ten. How many is ten? ♫ Like, literally, millions of kids, I grew up watching  Sesame Street and The Electric Company. I watched those programs well into my teens since I was the eldest of four kids. Longer if you factor in seven year gap between the middle children. Of course, I introduced my daughter to my old pals. Is it any wonder that I naturally think of ditties when I hear numerals from one through ten!? Anyway, this is the next verse of Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas...  ♫♫On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Ten Snowman bright lights, nine Fran's dark chocolates, eight Christmas crackers, seven cotton candies, six bags of kisses, five red heart ornaments, four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. ♫♫  We are getting ever nearer to the end of the song. Wonder what that husband of mine, has planned for the finale? 

23 The ninth day of Christmas, and I'm peaved. I was so excited to see a Fran's Chocolates bag, and so disappointed to find out that five out of nine were dark. I don't like dark chocolate! I know, I know, I'm terribly ungrateful, and I'm not proud of myself. On the contrary, I'm ashamed of my attitude. I fully understand that I am not owed anything. I know full well the consequences of ingratitude. I am lucky that my husband visits me as much as he does, much less brings me gifts, tacky or not. And still, I was powerless to stop my train wreck to crazy town. Nevermind, that I am worn out by well-meaning caregivers. Some days one after the other, for everything I must do in a day. By the time he shows up, I'm done with patience, tolerance, and kindness. If I ever ever even woke up with any... Oh, admit it, nobody always awakens joyful and happy. I woke up happy then I had a bad hair moment. Here is the most recent installment of Tina's Twelve Day o...

...On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... eight Christmas crackers , seven cotton candies, six bags of kisses, five red heart orns, four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree.  What the devil is a Christmas cracker?! That is my question. They look like brightly-colored, wrapped candies but they are not. I hope they are not firecrackers; I hate firecrackers. Oh well, they look beautiful, bright, and shiny.

Yes, it is the eleventh of December, as a matter of fact, however Hot Rod, my husband, has just gotten to the seventh day of Christmas. What's more, is that I'm amassing quite the cache of candy, more than I can eat or store. Sad news, huh? Don't cry for me! I can share and I have. Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas  On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...A glass pickle to hang in the tree.  On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Five red heart orns, four rein-dogs poopin', three chocolate Santas, two red ...

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, every where I go.... And these days I usually go in my room. I got my favorite Christmas minion to decorate a bright spot, or two, in my room. My in-room artwork, provided by Bailey Boushay House, sports battery-operated, white, micro-lights and my glass pickle, thanks to my minion. And, I have my tiny Christmas tree, prominently displayed on the countertop, right at my eyeline. To my left is the end table with my two poinsettias, my chocolate Santa suckers, Jelly Belly-poopin' rein-dogs, my Seahawks "12" Snowman (from my bestie, Rita), and my emperor penguin. My favorite minion, a.k.a.Flhrod@comcast.net, a.k.a. Hot Rod, a.k.a. Rodney, also known as my husband, brought me another gift of five christmas tree ornaments. Thus, continuing the saga of Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas.  On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...A glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the second day of Christmas, my true lov...

My husband took my mom and dad to the airport early Saturday morning.  What a good son-in-law he is! He even asked my dad if he put anti-freeze in his car. He did not and there's snow in the forecast! Whut whoa! My husband took the initiative and put in anti-freeze. I forgot to mention that they are on their way to Maui. I guess Dad had his mind on other things... My husband had plans to ride his Harley to the Toy Run in Olympia. However, he forgot to do his homework and find out exactly where the event was. He rolled into the Black Lake area of Olympia and no Toy Run. I find this hilarious! Why? He owns a smart phone, and is such a luddite, he did not bother using his phone to get the location. Typical Rodney. Oh well, I guess we know why I got a big, stuffed, Emperor Penguin. Rodney did bring me another installment of Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas. He found the cutest, little, novelty reindeer, actually the reindog creation from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. The Nove...

Another verse for my Tina's Twelve Days of Christmas 'and a new name, for my husband's sake. He has an aversion for acknowledging the inevitable, the impending end to me. That's kind of gratifying. He loves me. He found my twist on the old standard amusing and is taking up the challenge to bring the song to life. I love it! And I love him! On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...a glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...Two red poinsettias and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... Three chocolate santas, two red poinsettias, and a glass pickle to hang in the tree.

My husband has been bringing touches of Christmas cheer to my hospice room. Thus far I've received two red poinsettias and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. Oh no! That could be the start of whole new version of  The Twelve Days of Christmas. We can call it The Dying Woman's Twelve Days of Christmas or something in that vein. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...A glass pickle to hang in the tree. On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two red poinsettias and a glass pickle to hang in the tree. Sing it! Feel free make suggestions for additional verses....

Pleased to report a good save and measurably improved response to suctioning needs. As usual, adult diaper change spurred secretion movement; I was surprised when the patient care technician (PCT) Calmly asked me if I needed suctioning. Upon my ascent, she told the other PCT to pull the emergency cord, and turned on the suction machine. She even did a decent job removing most of the secretions. The charge nurse promptly responded to the call, backing up and taking control of the suction wand.  If I may, my only critique is that this particular nurse is the only critical thinker who considered gravity when suctioning. I was rolled onto my left side, thus the secretions were pooled in my left cheek, not the back of my throat.

The Flying Nun, a character played by Sally Field in 1965, was my most memorable Halloween costume for two reasons: I idolized Sally Field and watched The Flying Nun, episode after episode, then rerun after rerun. And I remember my mother fussing, making my costume from a sheet and an album cover. I felt special and loved. Lord only knows where she scrounged up a crucifix, since we weren't church goers! In turn, I wanted Halloween to be special for my daughter and made her first costumes. I modified a Cabbage Patch bunny costume when she was a babe in arms. Next was a silky satin clown outfit that I fussed over. That one was a big deal, a financial splurge, and so unbelievably high on the cute scale! I think my efforts had an impact, Halloween is a big deal in her life. Or, so my ego hopes. Her costumes really amaze me, she plans months in advance.

Today is September 11th, a day that our nation, collectively, grieves the terrorist attack on our homeland. It is also a day significant in my life; four years ago, I was diagnosed with ALS. Instead of hearing what I have to do to get better, I learned that I would never be better, again. I was overwhelmed, emotionally. Absolutely overloaded. Loss has been a daily reality. Struggle is my constant companion; the struggle to accept my condition, the struggle to accept my future, the struggle to accept the loss of my independence, the struggle to confront my mortality. It's been messy but I am both stronger and softer.  Life is good.

2 Today marks my 21st anniversary of being a part of Alcoholics Anonymous. But, it is not my AA Birthday. I did not stay sober. I drank, again. Today is also St. Patrick's Day. Why talk about Alcoholics Anonymous on St. Patrick's Day? What began as a Christian feast day, celebrating the establishment of Christianity in Ireland, suspending the Lenten restrictions on eating and alcohol drinking, has degenerated into a day of celebrating Irish heritage and drinking to excess. I was among the revelers, participating in bar crawls, drinking green beer, and getting blind, black-out drunk, no religious connotation whatsoever. An excuse to claim my Irish heritage and dial-up my debauchery. The problem arriving upon awakening, the alarm too loud, my mouth parched -- feeling like an ashtray, though I'm a non-smoker -- stomach roiling, jittery, and surreal. And the horror of finding a stranger in my bed, or worse, not recognizing my surroundings or playmate. I well remember the ...

Raspberry mousse to die for...Chocolate-covered banana...Chocolate-covered strawberry...Petit fours...Tulips...Roses...Heart balloon...Vikings...And thou...

Memorial day weekend and I got out of the home, and out of my current reality, so to speak. The forecast was grim and the pregnant, pewter clouds echoed the same. Stepping out in faith regardless of a plan, worked. We planned to visit MOHAI over the holiday weekend but couldn't get it together early enough to justify the $17 USD per person entrance fees. Oh, MOHAI is the Museum of History and Industry. Located in Seattle, Washington on the banks of Lake Union in the heart of the Mercer Mess. Because my husband is easily frustrated by Seattle, by traffic, by my disabilities, by life in general, we decided to go on a dry run.Incredibly, this ended up being the main attraction. This was the same weekend for the Folk Life Festival, my first choice, so there were no crowds to contend with. What we found was easy parking for the handicapped; wide, clean walkways; open space, waterfront access (even for me); interactive fountain; city, lake, and Space Needle views; bright orange angul...

Here it is, a new year! I did not think I would see the holidays at this time last year. And though it's a morbid thought, I doubt that I'll make it to the holidays of 2015. It's not that I don't want to be around then. I do. But, as this latest bout of illness has shown me, life is fleeting, and I am impaired. I know I need something to look forward to.

I am sitting in the sun with my cat sprawled at my feet out on the front porch.  Hummingbird just buzzed us and fireworks boom all around us.  Between charges, the chickadees cheep in the poplar over my head while other songbirds sound all around.  Today is Independence Day in the United States of America.  While my husband and I are born and bred Americans who have always lived within the bounds of our great nation, my household is opting out of the festivities and celebrations today. Perhaps with my decreased independence and increased dependence, I'm not in the mood to celebrate. My household is affected by ALS. We feel like many of our choices, hopes, and dreams have been wrested away from us.  Instead of being a day of celebration our household seemed to take on the horrors of war.  F-bombs bursting in mid-air as my husband/caregiver and I verbally slash at each other.  We are exhausted! Unless we are destitute and piss what little ...