IntrinsicTina

Ya got me! Blatant false advertising; I have no intention of talking taxes. In my defense, I figured nobody would read a post titled Upon My Death. Am I right? 😼 ...Not that tax is sexy...

23 23 Deep or shallow? Do I go deep within my soul or stay topical, light, and shallow? La, la, la, I love having access to audiobooks! Although having ALS has left me a quadriplegic and confined to my bed and my hospice room, I take flights of fancy and live alternate realities through the imagination of others. Then there is my reality which changes daily. I have the mindset that it is what it is, and I have done all that can be done, therefore I shall get on with it and be as happy and healthy as I can be. Take today, a fairly typical day in the life, I've been even keel, status quo. I had a good visit with my husband, no big blow-ups, a bit of mental tug-o-war, as dysfunctional, but loving couples do. Same with my caregivers, no big deals, some capable, others not so much. This night I request the shower chair which doubles as the commode. I get two of my favorite caregivers, one pretty efficient, the other an eager relative newcomer. I can appreciate the value of trainin...

I'm chagrined to realize how little I've managed to produce blog posts. I must admit that I've been so fatigued to the exclusion of all activities, save for listening to my beloved audiobooks, bathing, and attending my monthly ALSA meetings. Oh, and watching the TV news, and movies via Seattle Public Library and Netflix. How small my world has become. I have read some good books, which I chronicle and review on www.Goodreads.com/IntrinsicTina. I'm an avid reader of detective novels, mostly pulp fiction, formulaic works from Jonathan and Faye Kellerman, Kathy Reichs, Michael Connelly, Clive Cussler, and James Patterson. But I've grown fond of biographies and memoirs, listening to the stories of Drew Barrymore, Wildflower , Marial Hemingway, Burt Reynolds, Enough About Me , Carrie Fischer, and Sarah Silverman, to name a few .  You may think that my life is not worth living, but I think it is. I can no longer do what I used to do, but I have love in my heart and a ...

I need to watch what I listen to when I fall asleep at night. Sounds like a no brainer to you, huh?  I was so grateful to awaken from my Hell-ish dream of disembodied body parts. Thankfully, I don't recall the entire dream, although worrying about the smell of decomposing flesh was an experience I never thought I'd have to face. Yeesh! (gag) I'm such a fan of murder mysteries and the paranormal genre with vampires, werewolves, fairies, shapeshifters, etc. and I never have issues when I nod off to my various audiobook selections.  Clearly Forensics and the Green River Killer are subjects best left to the light of day.

Today is my birthday--another milestone met--another year of birth anniversary. I didn't expect much of a celebration this year and that was fine by me. I tire easily and can't bear up under the social expectations of others. Smiles and efforts to speak, with or without my speech generating device, taxes my energy--quickly. After a lifetime of acquiring stuff, I need nothing anymore; you cannot take it with you and I live in hospice where I live my life in a room. I'm pretty happy to have a delicious morsel that I can manage to eat despite my mouth, tongue, and throat weaknesses. Tonight was delectable and tender Lamb Curry, individual-size banana splits, chocolate mousse, and cupcakes. My mother and sister, Renee, surprised me with a visit complete with gorgeous fall flowers, gourmet cupcakes, a gift of audiobooks (my favorite kind) and their time, despite health challenges. My husband showed up while they were here, helping to carry the conversation, thus I did not ov...

I spend my days in solitary trivial pursuits and in slumber. Listening to audiobooks, contributing to websites like patientslikeme and goodreads, blogging, reading the Daily Reflection on the Alcoholics Anonymous website. I have a Word of the Day delivered to my email from Dictionary.Com. Despite my impending demise, I'm intensely interested in learning. Classics, mystery, paranormal romance, are my preferred genres. But I've ended up reading non-fiction, biographies, true crime, and climbing books. On Good Reads, I document the books I've read, rating and reviewing them, and sharing these on Facebook. Oh yeah!  I forgot. I spend time on Facebook, communicating with family and friends and subscribing to pages centered around PALS communicating with PALS. This ended up being one of my main means of communication. On Patients Like Me, I document my ALS progression, my moods, and communicate with other persons with ALS (PALS) from all over the world. Note: ALS is also kn...

.I watch a lot of television. I can't seem to help myself. I'm sitting in a hospital room with limited options. I blog and share parts of my life. I read FaceBook and learn about others lives and keep connected. I listen to audiobooks and delve into other worlds and get out of my head. I watch TV to learn something or to Be distracted. 

I've been listening to Clash of Kings for about a week. I should be finished but I keep falling asleep and not able to find my ending place. As a result, I heard the same part over and over again. Sheesh! I miss being able to function independently. I'm cold once again alone in my private ICU room. I was warm enough 20 minutes ago when I was being readied for bed. The outside temperature must be plummeting considering the icy fingers reaching from the window wall. Sounds like a nice room, huh? I wish there was a view but I only see the building next door. Going to have to use my call button soon but I hate being a nuisance. There are people who have a shot at life in here.

This week, containing the last holiday weekend of the summer, has been eventful. Despite my new tendency to take hour(s) long naps in either the morning or afternoon, I have discovered how to transfer photos from my external harddrive onto my Tobii "eyegaze" computer; watched "World War Z" on Netflix on my Tobii, shared "Heaven Is For Real" with the nursing home, enjoyed a lot of positive kudos for our group participation in the #icebucketchallenge for ALS, and read "Shadow of Night" on my iPad. Since it's the end of the month, allow me to recap. The first part of the month found me "Free at Last". I was finally allowed to drive my own wheelchair again since getting my license suspended last March. (That's another story.).  Part of the nursing home went to the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle and my husband and I met them there.   It was a day of relative freedom and fun in the sun.  My daughter came to visit which always means fu...

Thankfully, one pastime that I haven't had to relinquish since the onset of my occupational disease is reading.  Having to put the kibosh on former activities such as working for a living, knitting, cooking (unable to safely control a knife), and many household chores, including yard work (BTW, I love yard work especially mowing and mulching), I am ever so grateful that I can still (with enough pillows to provide support) hold a book and read it. While I also will download audiobooks from the library onto my iPod and listen to those while I manage other chores, I am resistant to iPads, Kindles, and the like. Heck, I have a computer I can either listen to or read eBooks on.  But nothing quite measures up to the look and the feel of a real, live "low-tech" book.  Hardback or paperback usually make no never mind to me.  I just the love the physical reality of a book in my hands. The most recent series of books I read are actually aimed at the teenager and young adul...

(even without children) 1). Get up with alarm at 5:30 am (hit knees to ask God to direct my day), 2). Get self ready for work, (place a load of laundry in the washer), 3). Go to the bathroom, (clean out the toilet, pick-up any towels and put up new ones), 4). Grab lunch from refrigerator, prepare a nutritious breakfast of yogurt or whole grain cereal, (pick-up previous night's mess, time permitting), 5). Drive to work, stop off at Starbucks or Cutter's Point for a decent cup of coffee, 6). Work a full-time work schedule with a half hour lunch break, 7). Clock-out of work, stop off at bank and/or post office for the office on the way home, 8). Make any number of side trips on the way home such as: nursing home to visit husband's mother (drop off payment once-per-month); grocery store if something needed to make dinner or for the weekly shopping; Sam's Club for monthly AA cake and/or stop off at Chase to deposit weekly AA monies; Reber Ranch to pick-up wild bird f...

Searching for meaningful work and trying to keep my sanity. It's so easy to fall into despair and if I'm truly honest, I've been there more times than I care to admit on this go round. Have you ever tried to get work that you are perfectly capable of doing, that you've proved yourself in but found that the ground rules have changed? That's where I'm at today and I hate it. What is keeping me relatively sane today? Professional help (in the form of marriage counseling), amateur help (a support group), and the distraction of my private pursuits. I've been downloading audiobooks from the public library and listening to them during my days at home, keeping up on housework as well as pursuing my passion...knitting. I knit as much as I can get away with. My current knit project is a men's cap in a waffle-like pattern (reminds me of a men's thermal top). I'm kind of bored with it but I haven't been motivated to attack the Aran Knit Scarf that...