I suppose when one stares into the face of their own mortality, they ask themselves, "How will I be remembered?". I did. And I realize that I haven't an iota of control in that arena. People will judge me as they will; by deeds, or the lack thereof. I'm not even certain how I would want to be thought of if I were granted that power.
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I would like to think that I was a pleasant person for the most part though no one can claim a lifetime of pleasantness. There were certainly many times when I was a pissant. I'd like to think that pleasant outweighs pissant by a ton on my scorecard and that I don't count too heavily on my intentions.
I think I would like a shot at telling my story myself rather than have it told through others whom I may not have made my views clear to. People have tried to tell me my views my whole life. They have often made the mistake that by not verbally opposing them that I share their views. This is not always the case, in fact, it could prove out to be rare. I simply preferred not to quarrel my life away nor waste time and energy on useless debate. Besides, I always liked to see where people were coming from and to enjoy them for who they were to me and not to dwell on a political or religious point of view.
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| Tina at Lake Quinault Lodge - 2011 |
Some will see me as a chameleon or a people pleaser and that is okay by me. Some will feel betrayed by this knowledge and that is their privilege. I love people. I love to immerse myself in them for a time and get a sense of who they are. I have deeply loved a few most of whom have deeply wounded me at some point and isn't that the crux of being vulnerable? One can be deeply wounded. I have been those: wounded and loved.
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