IntrinsicTina

I finally got the courage to take those fabulous hand-knit headbands that I made to the person who commissioned them. They were sooooooo well received that I have to ask myself why I hesitated. One of her daughters (pictured here) started wearing hers immediately and I promptly got another commission along with advice to make up a selection to sell on Etsy.com. Why do I doubt my abilities?

I was hung-up, stuck, baffled by the knitting. I thought I was doing everything correctly but could not progress past a certain point. I would proceed "as if" but it wouldn't look right then I would knit backwards again, painstakingly unknitting my work. I think I did this 3 or 4 times. I was more than ready to frog it (rip it out) when the delightful Diana made a few deft movements and corrected my errors. Perserverance, I thought, that's the key. But in this case humility reigned supreme. I needed to ask for help. When I finally was able to accept the help, all was smoothed out. Isn't that the way of life in general? I push and push, perservere, then hit the brick wall of frustration. But sometimes if I humbly ask for help, I get it and realize that I wasted a whole lot of time and energy in vain.

I awoke this morning with a mission in mind. Scones to share with my fellow knitters. One of our number is a youngster and she is a marvel. She knits, crochets, and doesn't seem to mind sitting around chatting it up about life with a bunch of women who are clearly older than she is. Last week when I shared that I would be making scones, lemon curd, and devonshire cream to take to my mother-in-law's nursing home, she asked for the opportunity to try lemon curd. How could I resist? You can explain it but it takes tasting it to understand and store bought just doesn't cut it, now does it? And you can't serve lemon curd without scones and it's just not the same without Devonshire cream. See where I'm going with this? Our knitting circle was a wee bit brighter this morning as we knitted, chatted, and reached for homemade scones with all the trimmings. My young friend finished her knitted pillow project, I got help with my tank top, and we got to see the progress of ...

My knitting is coming along swimmingly. (That means really good.) The pattern seems like a good one. No surprises, yet, and the yarn (Berocco Weekend) is suitable for a summer casual top. I completed the back of the top and cast on the 90 stitches for the front and started the pattern for the reverse stockinette diamond motif. I'm so excited to work on this one. I can picture my daughter receiving it (and being excited about it) and wearing it with pride. After all, it's Mom Couture, made with LOVE just for her. Oh my God, I'm a slobbering ninny when it comes to my own kid. Just what I didn't want to be. Oh well, not a bad thing to love one's own child and bristle with pride at the thought of her. I sure hope she likes "Mom Couture".

From Family Circle Easy Knitting Magazine, Spring/Summer 2004. I chose a "Diamond Detail" motif set into a stockinette-stitch sleeveless shell with knotted fringe. I purchased 3 skeins of Berroco Weekend, a cotton/acrylic blend (25%/75%), which will allow machine washing and flat drying. My daughter sent me her measurements, which lands her between extra small and small. I'm going to opt for the small size. Entered my project info into Ravelry and ready to knit up a swatch during a meeting I'm scheduled to go to tonight. Me, my peeps, and my craft...(sigh).

Don't let it be said that I can't do things with single-minded obsession. Find a good pattern and use it up, by God! Actually, I made the burgundy headscarf for a dear friend that I owed...big time. Then a request came in to make two more for gifting...hence the earth-tone and jewel-tone versions. The last request came from my mama. She bought her own preferred color palette and I accommodated her request. Each and every one gets a genuine "Tina Trial Run" so I can document my creations for posterity. What can I say? That's just the way I roll.

My fingers have done their walking...through countless pages of knitting books and binders of patterns...through the virtual pages of Ravelry.com and Google. I've enlisted the help of the knitting group at my local yarn store (LYS). It has been days that have gelled into weeks which hopefully won't melt into months. I'm in search of inspiration. I'm hoping to be struck with that glorious divine energy when I'm powerless to stop my fingers from wrapping delicious fiber around smooth knitting needles or a gleaming crochet hook. My quest began with my desire to knit a summer tank top for my baby girl, my 23-year-old baby girl. That perfect pattern hasn't materialized, yet. I diverted my attention to other tasks. A few days later, the itch to knit is strong and if I'm not casting on a tank, then I'm willing to go on to other things. So, I dig into my stash to see if inspiration strikes. A few possibilities pop out at me. I cast on a Clapotis and quic...

Snow in March! Yeah, here we've had a very mild winter and all and Mother Nature fooled all the plants into blooming (including my beautiful pink azalea) then POW! the temperature drops and snow falls. Even though I covered my bloomers with a thick wool blanket, the next day found the blooms sodden and on the ground. There are a few left but it's glory days are past for this season. It may not be nice to fool Mother Nature but it isn't nice when Mother Nature yanks us around either. I'm just sayin'...

I have been paralyzed by pain over several losses; the loss of a couple of close friendships, the loss of my job, and the alienation of my extended family. This paralysis has been so for the past year and I am deeply ashamed by this pain and my position. Although I have avenues with which to deal with this kind of crippling pain (I have alternately chosen to use them then discard them). As a consequence I have stayed in the pain only experiencing momentary reprieves. This pain has left me feeling alien, "apart from", and unworthy. After prayer and a hot meditative bath (and a pile of books). It appears that I may have found my trouble....me. I am the cause of my own pain. I am harsh and critical of those who are close to me, not always in so many words but in my heart. They probably feel it. It's my Achilles' heel. Sometimes, irregardless of whether life is good or bad, I peer out at the world and find fault and blame. If only these people would listen....

So April showers may bring May flowers but I'm already getting some budding and blooming in my yard. Azaleas, Hyacinths, and Tulips. Oh My! Technically, the tulips have yet to bloom but I'm so tickled with the healthy growth of the sinuous green leaves popping four inches out of the ground that I'm giddy with anticipation. I was delighted to find hyacinths emerging and blooming out of an abandoned pot from last year and last but, not least, is the pink explosion of blooms that cover the dwarf azalea near my front door step. The dwarf rhody can't be far behind. I'm so so SO ready for spring and just cannot believe that we are barely into March. The onset of spring is so exhilarating for me. I've hung on each and every yellow forsythia blooming around the neighborhood and nearly burst when I get an eyeful of pink or white cherry blossoms along the public streets. Washington state remains green due to our rainfall and evergreens but compared to spring and summerti...

I have viewed my family as somehow defective most of my life. (There, I've said it.) I have always longed for the close knit family that loves and supports each other (like the Walton's). I have been a victim of the delusion that everyone else has what I want in this regard. Isn't that just me?! I don't know how good that I've got it. Yesterday, I shoe-horned my butt out the door and drove on down to my local yarn store where who was awaiting my arrival? Two members of my family. My mother and my youngest sister who share my love of knitting and fiber as well as my compulsivity with this pursuit. How lucky am I to share this pursuit which borders on addiction with members of my own family? AND how lucky am I that we knit for each other pretty regularly? I've made socks and scarves for my sister. My mother has knitted up socks for both of us girls (my third sister does not get our interest in fiber at all) as well as afghans, scarves, ponchos, and such. My mothe...

Ambitious me. During this period of unemployment, I have been in anguish over lost and wasted time. I trend towards isolation out if a sense of responsibility and duty (to my husband and obligations). I want to do my part but I get into psychological trouble with this mode of thinking. To combat this trend, I have been stepping out to seek the company of real, live human beings. When I'm holed up at home, besides satisfying my obligation to continue to actively seek work, I've taken some online courses, worked on my photography and knitting, learned how to blog, and I've started working on my 'bucket list' of reading. My bucket list of reading consists of great literary works. Personally, I trend towards popular reads by Tom Clancy, Patricia Cornwell, Ann Rule, and the like. One day (quite out of the blue) I decided to attack the grand-daddy of my bucket list - War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. Today I finished that read. I'd estimate it has taken me about...