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Forgiveness


I have been paralyzed by pain over several losses; the loss of a couple of close friendships, the loss of my job, and the alienation of my extended family. This paralysis has been so for the past year and I am deeply ashamed by this pain and my position. Although I have avenues with which to deal with this kind of crippling pain (I have alternately chosen to use them then discard them). As a consequence I have stayed in the pain only experiencing momentary reprieves. This pain has left me feeling alien, "apart from", and unworthy.

After prayer and a hot meditative bath (and a pile of books). It appears that I may have found my trouble....me. I am the cause of my own pain. I am harsh and critical of those who are close to me, not always in so many words but in my heart. They probably feel it. It's my Achilles' heel. Sometimes, irregardless of whether life is good or bad, I peer out at the world and find fault and blame. If only these people would listen...

See? Who am I? Who died and made me boss? Nobody. And I hear that God loves us as we are, glaring defects and all. Whether we avoid Him or embrace Him. Here I am. Humble once more, taking tentative steps to reconcile with my fellows and rejoin the human race.

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