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Grand Delusions

I may pass sooner than later. I'm having terrible spasms throughout my organs and around my heart. I wake up with my whole body quivering. Much to my dismay, nobody seems to notice. 
Fasciculations herald the death of the muscles, in my personal observations. Therefore, I figure I will likely die suddenly from a catastrophic organ failure.
I know I'm paralyzed but I'm unnerved when my body seizes. I gasp for air almost every time I'm changed, as I'm being lowered, my body stretches, then my diaphragm spasms big time.  Though I'm gasping, caregivers continue to lower my body to proceed with changing, without realizing it, they are increasing pressure on the chest, with the weight of gravity. Instead, it makes more sense to raise the head of the bed, to reduce pressure on the chest, then pause until the spasm (gasping) passes.
This was my state of mind yesterday evening.  Luckily, I got out of my head and shared with my husband and one of my favorite, and most trusted nurses.Apparently, I am more likely to pass from respiratory failure. Oh yeah!  I forgot. Interesting to note that I am still able to make shit up, believe it, and run with it! By the way, the part about raising my head up when I'm gasping is true.
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Location: 2720 E Madison St, Seattle, WA 98112, USA

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