Skip to main content

The Worst

319What's the worst aspect of having ALS?

Is it the continual loss of motor skills?  One day you can no longer lift your own finger? Hand? Arm? Or scratch your own nose when it itches? Or wipe it when it runs? Or pet your own cat? Or hold your husband's hand? Or button your own blouse? Or unzip your favorite blue jeans? Or wipe your own behind? Notice the new stilt in your gait? Trip over air to faceplant on the kitchen floor?  The front porch? Graduate to a cane? Rolling walker? Then a manual wheelchair? A fancy motorized wheelchair?

Is it the falling away of friends and family who don't understand my disease process? Admittedly, ALS, amyotrophic lateral  sclerosis, is a scary disease, it's a terminal illness, there are no pluses to this disease, you shrink, shrivel, slobber and, ultimately, die anyway. They are right to be afraid but you are not contagious. And you need support and effective advocacy.

The few that visit, are put off by the out of sync speech pattern of the AAC device, or the lack of visual contact, the speech device requires to operate. Worse, the frustration experienced when the device fails to perform at all. Which occurs more often than the manufacturers would have you believe.

Is it the pain?
At different times the pain varies. As spasticity increases, so increases pain. Charlie horses are excruciating, constipation sucks, diarrhea blows! 

It's interesting how painful it feels to not move. Poor circulation hurts. Tendons and ligaments shrink up and cause pain. Even short periods of time, sedentary, cause pain.

As muscles atrophy, everything destabilizes, aches and pains are more pronounced and injuries occur more frequently. For example, a brief change causes the spine to get wrenched, when turning.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Remember...

I remember catching fireflies,  putting them in a jar, as a girl of five. I picked pears off a tree that overhung an alleyway on my route home from school, then enjoyed the forbidden fruit. .I had a golden cat who chased a gray mouse through our living room sending my mother, 3-year old sister, and me screaming atop the sofa and chairs. We lived in a farmhouse and I watched Romper Room. A daddy longlegs skittered across my dirty kid legs as I teeter-tottered on a broken kitchen chair back. I played grocery store and laid out a bedroll for group nap time in preschool. We lived in an apartment attached to a bakery. My maternal grandparents visited and a photo was snapped. Grandma held Dawn and Grandpa held me. I held Grandpa's chin. Walking through the back of the flour-caked kitchen, I saw scrumptious pastries and colorful toys stuck in the cupcakes with my hungry kids eyes. We lived in a two-story apartment building next door to a large farmer's field.  That field was my...

You're Not You...Me, Too!

1 Wow! Spot on...In so many ways.  Granted I wasn't in the the same socio-economic circumstance, and neither do I play piano but I was passionate about knitting and I lost the ability to engage in my passion practically from the onset of the ALS. Symptoms first manifested in my right hand as well. I was big on juicing, supplements, and did not worry about fats nor calories. But ALS advanced relentlessly. I hired friends as caregivers and had to bear the humiliation of being toileted by them.One of the worst hurdles for me was allowing a long time male friend wipe me following a toilet. My mother, stepfather, and sister all toileted me as well. Of course, my husband had to attend to all of my most delicate needs, showering, dressing and make-up application. I could really relate to Hillary Swank's character, Kate, in all circumstances except, she chose not to use the bipap (breathing apparatus).  I don't really get why somebody would opt out of a non-invasive solution to...

Kate

I think about my friend, Kate Struby, who died from this horrible disease in 2013. She lived here at Bailey Boushay House before I did. I reached out to Kate online through FaceBook because I loved her photograph with her head thrown back in laughter. I also loved her posts. I guess I just loved her spirit. I got to finally meet her one month before she died. I happened to be at the University of Washington Medical Center for my quarterly appointment when I saw her FaceBook post. She was awake and in the medical ICU. She was a mere few floors down. I would not be stopped. Relativeor no, I would meet my FaceBook friend. Thank God I did. I rolled into the room to find a beautiful, ethere.al woman flanked by two friends. Although it was an impromtu visit, she said she knew me immediately.I was in awe of her with her fiery spirit despite the ravages of our shared disease. She, unable to lift even a finger, lifted my spirit.