"What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?" Scary thought. If that's the case, I didn't hokey pokey nearly enough. Family. Family is what it's all about. And, once again, I didn't make family a big enough priority. Pregnancies were not celebrated events. They were looked upon as lost freedom and a slew of missed opportunities. Now, where did we get those ideas? I was steeped in that philosophy as my mother bemoaned the misery of her life. She never hesitated to tell us, her progeny, that we were the reason she struggled in life. That she would have traveled had we not been born. Is it any wonder that I cried in horror when I became pregnant? My husband wanted to delay having a family, so I was certain he was going to leave me as soon as he found out. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
My daughter is my greatest achievement, my best investment, my pride, and my joy. My life has been blessed in so many ways. I couldn't even fathom it at the time. She has never been an impediment to a relationship worth having, nor a job, nor any friends. She has enriched all facets of my life.If only I knew then what I know now.
I thought my mother was an awful person. I thought she should never have had children. I thought her interests were trivial, her mannerisms tacky. Much later, I was to understand that children did not come with instruction manuals, adults were not usually selfless, they have their own wants and needs, nor are perfect. I found that I shared many of her trivial pursuits, like reading paperbacks, working jigsaw puzzles, playing card and boardgames, and knitting. If I only knew then, what I know now.
I thought my siblings too troublesome. We were flung apart living separate lives. That felt comfortable for me for many years. Not anymore. I treasure visits from my siblings and appreciate our differences as well as our similarities. One sister I share Harley Davidson motorcycles and NASCAR with, the other sister I share the love of books and knitting and I've recently become a football fan. My brother is far flung over in Kansas of all places. We rarely talk but share love for each other and love for God. We are Christian and will see each other in Heaven. If only I knew then, what I know now.
My stepfather, whom I alternately loved and hated depending on whether he was out to sea or home enforcing strict discipline using corporal punishment. I've come to appreciate his learning curve being a young man merging with a ready made family and only knowing the iron discipline of his father and the rigid discipline of the U.S. Navy. He gave all he had to take care of us and ultimately, we made it to maturity. In recent years, It's been my pleasure to thank him for his sacrifice by preparing and sharing good meals whenever we could get together. Lasagna, steak, prime rib, and various other dishes for holidays or just because. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
My father, who I quietly pined away for as a kid, romanticizing his memory based upon happy photographs. Getting nothing from my mother except stories of abuse. Getting less information from my grandmother. We reconnect when I'm in my terrible teens and again when I'm a young married with a babe in arms then again when she's a toddler. I finally introduce him to my second husband when I'm becoming paralyzed due to ALS. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
My daughter is my greatest achievement, my best investment, my pride, and my joy. My life has been blessed in so many ways. I couldn't even fathom it at the time. She has never been an impediment to a relationship worth having, nor a job, nor any friends. She has enriched all facets of my life.If only I knew then what I know now.
I thought my mother was an awful person. I thought she should never have had children. I thought her interests were trivial, her mannerisms tacky. Much later, I was to understand that children did not come with instruction manuals, adults were not usually selfless, they have their own wants and needs, nor are perfect. I found that I shared many of her trivial pursuits, like reading paperbacks, working jigsaw puzzles, playing card and boardgames, and knitting. If I only knew then, what I know now.
I thought my siblings too troublesome. We were flung apart living separate lives. That felt comfortable for me for many years. Not anymore. I treasure visits from my siblings and appreciate our differences as well as our similarities. One sister I share Harley Davidson motorcycles and NASCAR with, the other sister I share the love of books and knitting and I've recently become a football fan. My brother is far flung over in Kansas of all places. We rarely talk but share love for each other and love for God. We are Christian and will see each other in Heaven. If only I knew then, what I know now.
My stepfather, whom I alternately loved and hated depending on whether he was out to sea or home enforcing strict discipline using corporal punishment. I've come to appreciate his learning curve being a young man merging with a ready made family and only knowing the iron discipline of his father and the rigid discipline of the U.S. Navy. He gave all he had to take care of us and ultimately, we made it to maturity. In recent years, It's been my pleasure to thank him for his sacrifice by preparing and sharing good meals whenever we could get together. Lasagna, steak, prime rib, and various other dishes for holidays or just because. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
My father, who I quietly pined away for as a kid, romanticizing his memory based upon happy photographs. Getting nothing from my mother except stories of abuse. Getting less information from my grandmother. We reconnect when I'm in my terrible teens and again when I'm a young married with a babe in arms then again when she's a toddler. I finally introduce him to my second husband when I'm becoming paralyzed due to ALS. I wish I knew then, what I know now.
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