Free Fall

Twenty-four years ago, I went through the most challenging experiences of my life. Infidelity, estrangement from family, husband, daughter, grandfather, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, et al. A complete breakdown of self; no coping mechanism, no self esteem, suicidal tendencies. No safety net. 

I clutched at whatever showed me the slightest bit of attention, mostly men. They were a quick fix, a balm to my battered ego. My empty dream home, devoid of life, an empty shell, a symbol of love lost and gone sucked out my will to live. An impending divorce, court battle for custody and foreclosure further overwhelmed my pysche.

I sought solace in sordid places and drank my inhibitions into submission. In the light of day, my morals returned whereupon my rationalizations kicked into high gear. I hated being me in my situation, my skin didn't fit.

I tried so hard to move forward in my life. I made sure that I had a job even when I couldn't get through a shift without crying. I enrolled in college to try to improve my skills to get a better paying job. Aside from getting good grades, I didn't have a clue how to go about getting more than a minimum wage job.

I was locked in a path to no place good.