"Only step one where we made the 100 percent admission that we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection." TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 68
I don't keep it a secret that this is not my first run at sobriety. It's important for me to be honest and real. Besides, I doubt I would have the intimate understanding I have today as a result Of "failing" the first time. My first admission of powerlessness, over 20 years ago, was the best I could offer at the time. I thought I was sincere. Years later I would realize that I held reservations with regard to my life being manageable by me.
For me, that reservation worked it's way through my pysche for over the course of a year. Even though I came to believe in a Higher Power and turned my will and life over, wrote out my fourth step, shared it with my sponsor, I went up to and including making amends. But, my foundation, step one had a crack that made a hole for my disease and my denial to come charging through. I stayed "out" for about 3 months and I wish I could tell you it was worth it. It was not. My disease had progressed and I sunk lower on my bottom. I got all my misery refunded.
When I came back, I had to do it different. This time I had to surrender 100 percent.
I don't keep it a secret that this is not my first run at sobriety. It's important for me to be honest and real. Besides, I doubt I would have the intimate understanding I have today as a result Of "failing" the first time. My first admission of powerlessness, over 20 years ago, was the best I could offer at the time. I thought I was sincere. Years later I would realize that I held reservations with regard to my life being manageable by me.
For me, that reservation worked it's way through my pysche for over the course of a year. Even though I came to believe in a Higher Power and turned my will and life over, wrote out my fourth step, shared it with my sponsor, I went up to and including making amends. But, my foundation, step one had a crack that made a hole for my disease and my denial to come charging through. I stayed "out" for about 3 months and I wish I could tell you it was worth it. It was not. My disease had progressed and I sunk lower on my bottom. I got all my misery refunded.
When I came back, I had to do it different. This time I had to surrender 100 percent.
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