Skip to main content

100%er

"Only step one where we made the 100 percent admission that we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection."  TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS P. 68

I don't keep it a secret that this is not my first run at sobriety. It's important for me to be honest and real. Besides, I doubt I would have the intimate understanding I have today as a result Of "failing" the first time. My first admission of powerlessness, over 20 years ago, was the best I could offer at the time. I thought I was sincere. Years later I would realize that I held reservations with regard to my life being manageable by me.

For me, that reservation worked it's way through my pysche for over the course of a year. Even though I came to believe in a Higher Power and turned my will and life over, wrote out my fourth step, shared it with my sponsor, I went up to and including making amends. But, my foundation, step one had a crack that made a hole for my disease and my denial to come charging through. I stayed "out" for about 3 months and I wish I could tell you it was worth it. It was not. My disease had progressed and I sunk lower on my bottom. I got all my  misery refunded.

When I came back, I had to do it different. This time I had to surrender 100 percent.
Labels:
Location: University of Washington Medical Center, University of Washington, 1959 Northeast Pacific Street, Seattle, WA 98195, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Kate

I think about my friend, Kate Struby, who died from this horrible disease in 2013. She lived here at Bailey Boushay House before I did. I reached out to Kate online through FaceBook because I loved her photograph with her head thrown back in laughter. I also loved her posts. I guess I just loved her spirit. I got to finally meet her one month before she died. I happened to be at the University of Washington Medical Center for my quarterly appointment when I saw her FaceBook post. She was awake and in the medical ICU. She was a mere few floors down. I would not be stopped. Relativeor no, I would meet my FaceBook friend. Thank God I did. I rolled into the room to find a beautiful, ethere.al woman flanked by two friends. Although it was an impromtu visit, she said she knew me immediately.I was in awe of her with her fiery spirit despite the ravages of our shared disease. She, unable to lift even a finger, lifted my spirit.
2 comments
Read more

Immersion Therapy

Please excuse my selfish absence from posting to my blog. I wish I could say that I've been out diligently finding a cure for ALS, or tirelessly working to fund research, or hunger-striking to bring public attention to beacon the cruelty of not having access to care facilities geared specifically to the specialized needs of the ALS patient. Alas, I have been binge-watching Scandel, The 100, and binge-listening to audiobooks. I'm currently enamored of mystery and thrillers by Chelsea Cain and Lisa Unger. I cannot do a Helluva lot these days but I can still waste time. ALS ought to have some perks. I can immerse myself in completely in entirely new situations, raise my excitement level and learn something new to me.
Post a Comment
Read more

Tuesday

Tuesday is shaping up to be my best day of the week. Every day holds the requisite eating, changing, television, and napping. But Tuesday, I got a glorious, hot bath in a handicap-accessible bathtub with my Angela and Lisa, reorganized my shower caddy with my Lisa, read "The White Album" by Joan Didion with my Lindsey, "supervised" doughnut-making and sampled same with my Sandra among others, and listened to Ryan Feng play classical piano. A new book fell into my lap today. Of course, I mean that figuratively. "Play It As It Lays" by Joan Didion was just laying on top of the informal Bailey Boushay House library cart, so I borrowed it. .Guess what we'll be reading? I feel very blessed!
2 comments
Read more