I have noticed that as I have become less able to communicate, the more acceptable it is to assume my mental incapacity. Even though I reside in a prestigious nursing facility, I am falling victim to the notion that I am not reasonable or prone to fits of temper for "no reason at all". These prejudices, that is what they are, are harmful to the ALS patient. They leave us grievously wounded, susceptible to physical harms, like pneumonia, choking, death, etc; as well as mental harm, like grief, despair, depression, and death of the spirit.
Occasionally, we are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we must not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. -- TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, page 105 Gee, I could have saved myself years of self-reproach by taking it easy on myself. "Try" as I might, I never could make prayer, in the traditional sense, a daily occurrence for stretches longer than a month. I had good intentions but inevitably, I'd be running late and forget. Or worse, I'd get a big, fat bout of attitude about not getting my wishes (the permanent position at the Gates Foundation, being fired from my last job when my health deteriorated, the cancellation of my Panama Canal cruise, and the various abandonments I experienced following my ALS diagnosis) and off I'd go, cursing my Higher Power, turning my back, isolating, and wishing I were dead (actually, I wa...
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