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Another struggle

"If you are trying to kill me, raise the head of the bed all the way and hold my arms forward on the pillow. It allows the torso to collapse down and crush the diaphragm." I said this to my patient care technician this morning, following a choking incident. Ungrateful, huh? She's feeding me and I'm an asshole!

In my defense, I've had two days of caregiver mis-steps and I'm at wit's end. I get tired of struggling for my life. I mean, beyond the ALS. 

While being turned onto my side, I had to give detailed step-by-step instructions (veritably impossible with severe dysphasia), when the caregivers could not understand that I needed them to move my foot for me. No matter what I said nor did, they insisted on repeatedly asking if I wanted a pillow.
 
After becoming agitated, the charge nurse came to sort out the problem. Unfortunately, I was unable to respond, while face down, neck wrenched.

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