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A Happy Anniversary

Fifteen years today. My husband and I have been married for fifteen years. The majority of that time has been very good. We seemed to be well-suited to each other. Two dysfunctional people, lives warped by alcoholism, alcoholic themselves, One drinking and one not. Working Monday through Friday for the man. Riding our Harleys when we can.

An inauspicious meeting in a cocktail lounge. Being dedicated to sobriety, it was not the place I imagined finding the love of my life. God seems to have a funny sense of humor. Oh, I can imagine what you're thinking... Tina, we've read your blog before, you're always baggin' on that guy, and didn't he abandon you in your hour of need? True story and worse but I don't always share the best moments. I bask in them and soak them up.

I've never been held so tightly nor earnestly. In the beginning, when I told him that I loved him...His head would tilt to the right, his expression, surprised. Has no one ever loved this man before? Or is it something about me? Is there some thing special he sees in me?

He was the first to speak the "L" word. "I love ya!", he said. I was completely surprised by this fast admission. Does he mean it? Is this just to fill a void in conversation? Did he think I needed to hear this? Is he desperate? He's so adorable in his "white guys don't have rhythm" kind of way. And he seems so damned genuine.

I think I love him, too. But, it seems too soon. What if we're wrong? I don't want wreckage. Caution, my mind seems to say. He's not my "type", whatever that is these days! I've been on a hiatus from romantic entanglements for months now. I cannot be trusted to choose a decent man to fall in love with. So, now I go to church with a married couple on Sundays, pray, read the Bible, and concentrate on loving my single, Godly life. Riding with Christian motorcycle groups.

"Love", they tell me, "enters our lives when we're not looking for it." Surely this can't be love!

It was.

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