IntrinsicTina

I made the serious decision to make a break from a certain organization and a from an individual I was working with closely. These were both difficult decisions to make but I've been in turmoil for about a year about both. I went through some serious depression during the past winter and spring and doubted my ability to make a healthy, rational decision. Since I've been out of my depression, I feel the scales have been removed from my eyes and clearly see both commitments as unhealthy. This group within the organization has continually lacked in retaining members who honor or even volunteer for service commitments. I held a treasurer position for 4 years (normally a 2-year commitment). At one time I held three simultaneous positions as secretary, service representative and literature person. This should have been a signal to me. Instead I chose to see it as "they needed me." The secretary position has been held by a member whom I judge to be non-compliant...

Attended a funeral today. A friend passed away peacefully, not at all the way I thought he would go, if I ever thought about it. It always feels rather odd when somebody "bigger-than-life" departs from said life. There's a funny little void left behind even if you didn't see them all the time. Even if they pissed you off at some point and you thought they didn't matter all that much. People matter. I saw an estranged friend, one who departed my life on her own accord. I said hello and was amazed that she bothered to return the hello. She's been ignoring me for a long time. I still don't want to waste any time on her but the pang of regret was there, greatly diminished, but truly still there. People matter. My husband called to see if he could bring home some dinner. I was compelled to tell him not to pass away anytime soon. He said that he had not immediate plans. I'll bet our dearly departed didn't have any immediate plans either. Very sa...

Today is my 14-year AA birthday. Fourteen years ago today I re-committed myself to living sober. Life continues to have it's ups and downs and I continue to live my life without indulging in alcohol or mood-altering drugs. It's a good life. I don't always think so but I do today. I'm happy and healthy with room for improvement. I ought never to complain. A happy medium. I am told that is the best that I can hope for. Too much of a good thing or not enough can really send one around the bend. If that's true, then I'm exactly where I should be. Content.

(even without children) 1). Get up with alarm at 5:30 am (hit knees to ask God to direct my day), 2). Get self ready for work, (place a load of laundry in the washer), 3). Go to the bathroom, (clean out the toilet, pick-up any towels and put up new ones), 4). Grab lunch from refrigerator, prepare a nutritious breakfast of yogurt or whole grain cereal, (pick-up previous night's mess, time permitting), 5). Drive to work, stop off at Starbucks or Cutter's Point for a decent cup of coffee, 6). Work a full-time work schedule with a half hour lunch break, 7). Clock-out of work, stop off at bank and/or post office for the office on the way home, 8). Make any number of side trips on the way home such as: nursing home to visit husband's mother (drop off payment once-per-month); grocery store if something needed to make dinner or for the weekly shopping; Sam's Club for monthly AA cake and/or stop off at Chase to deposit weekly AA monies; Reber Ranch to pick-up wild bird f...

Baby it's been a long time since I've blogged! Between summertime and getting a job, my focus has been turned away from trivial pursuits (sort of). I have absolutely neglected my knitting and opted to lounge in the pool during my non-work hours. That is not the whole truth. I have also been scraping and painting the exterior trim of my house before the rains come. I've also been hauling the hose around my 1/2-acre watering the plants, hoping for massive amounts of tomatoes and peppers in the near future. My blueberries were a veritable bust this year. They just never quite ripened to their full deliciousness. THAT is a big bummer. On a positive note, my Clematis is finally blooming with two (count them...two) pretty purple blossoms!

An honest-to-goodness full-time job in my favorite two fields - accounting and administrative. What more could I want? How about to work for a small, successful, family-run business? How about working with two vivacious women about my age (actually a bit younger)? How about being able to ride my motorcycle to work when I feel like it? Yeah, I got that, too! Woo-hoo!!! Take me off the roles of the unemployed and I hope never to be there again. That took a lot longer than I ever imagined!!! Damn near 11 months then all of the sudden, the calls started to come in but I'd already been interviewed for this job and when it turned into a full-time gig...we made a career match. No long commute. No fussing about being on-time, in fact, I bumped up my own hours and generally work the office for the first hour of the day by myself. How great is all of that? Pretty great. Just sayin'

I knit up another baby hat, this time for a baby girl. I neglected to photograph the little delight as I was much too excited to give it to the recipient, our favorite nursing assistant at my mother-in-law's nursing home. She was so excited to receive it and immediately showed me some of her crochet projects. She does beautiful crochet work. Every time I run into an avid crocheter, I get all interested in picking back up the hook. She inspired me but I'm trying to stay focused on the knitting at hand. Don't you know that I have another one of the hats to knit for another baby girl for another friend? I do. And if I don't get over-excited about giving it away, I'll aim for another photo and post it here for your viewing pleasure. It is tried and true Cascade 220 Superwash in light pink and dark brown stripes, worsted weight for sure.

What a day! A friend of mine is planning her husband's birthday, sends him off to ride motorcycles with his buddies, by the afternoon, she gets the news that he was killed in a tragic accident on the highway. I'm just blown away by how quickly life can change (for all of us). It put me mindful of petty disagreements and strife my husband and I have been dealing with. I was still nursing some spite from seemingly thoughtless remarks. Right away I resolved to let it go and re-focus on what is important....our love for each other and the celebration of it. My husband noted my attitude change immediately upon his arrival from work and seemed to "get it" when I told him of the loss of our mutual friend. We lovingly reconnected over the weekend and spoke often of our recently departed friend. I am so sorry for her loss, their loss, our loss. And at the same time, I am so very grateful for another day of life on this earth with my loved one, my Rodney, nobod...

A young member of our extended family is going to be a father shortly. We (my husband and I) only learned this as of late. Realizing that this young couple are very young and not exactly flush with cash, we are setting out to provide them with a few items to welcome the new baby. Clothing, some purchased and a few handknits for a baby boy, ought to be well received. So far I've managed to knit a couple of baby blankets (one using the "dishcloth" pattern) and to design and knit a hat for a newborn. I like the idea of stripes rather than the typical solid baby blue for boys . I hope to knit a few more items in the near future a couple of sizes larger. We aren't looking to compete with Grandma and Grandpa, just want to do our part to welcome a new life to the family. We hope this will help...

The sun rose exposing a clear, sunny day although my approach to the Washington coastline blurred the sunlight. By the time my Subaru turned through the narrow stone walls, proclaiming "Welcome to Ocean Shores", it was clear that this day at the ocean would be shrouded in cloud-diffused light. The light ocean breeze brought salt-infused air to my nostrils, that I willingly breathed deeply into my lungs. Weather-bleached saltbox houses, sea grasses, dunes, and squealing gulls are the standard in this beach community. During the week I am struck by the lack of thronging tourists. The worst of the tourists are us. Driving along the coastline, looking for public beach access in search of photogenic vantage points. We were rewarded. The discovery of the day had to be the new and picturesque New England-style community, Seabrook, just south of Pacific Beach. It was a treasure trove of photographic opportunity and we (my mother and I) meandered, stopping at will to take...

The verdict is in (as far as I'm concerned) it is possible to experience relief for "fallen arches" by going to a massage therapist who specializes in plantar fasciitis. I've been dealing with foot pain for eight months solid. I've avoided the gym at all costs so as not to inflame my condition. (Yeah, I tried to power through it.) And then I tried to baby it by avoiding all stretching and flexing in an effort to allow it to "heal". I've had 2 (count it...1 and 2) visits and have experienced a 95% reduction in pain symptoms. I feel like in another visit or 2, I may be 100% pain free and "free to roam about the country" in a manner I have been quite accustomed to. I hope never to take my health for granted again. It is wonderful to be getting "fixed". First, knocking out the vitamin D deficiency-induced depression and now...Good-bye plantar fasciitis. Life is good indeed.

Sounds erotic, doesn't it? Touch Me is actually a yarn made by Muench. It is the softest and silkiest (and one of the spendiest) yarns in my stash. It is a chenille that tends to "worm" but I love it all the same. My first project with this spendy fiber was a red and purple crocheted scarf that is perfect for the discriminating 'red hatter'. The yarn was actually a birthday gift from my father and mother and they had bought two balls of the stuff at about $15 per ball. I added a third ball to complete my project. Again I bought this "splurge" for a friend going through chemotherapy for breast cancer. I knitted up a delicious hat in a deep burgundy but alas! I never saw it grace her head even after she lost her hair. I pondered asking point blank if she didn't care for it because I would have loved to wear it. I did no such thing. Between the last two Local Yarn Store tours (a.k.a LYS tours) in the Seattle area I bought another two balls in ...

Today was the day of my annual physical. I have been tortured by depression and racked with guilt. I finally marched into my doctor and laid it all out to her - all of the ugliness of emotion. She ran all of the tests and wouldn't you know...my depression has a root cause. It was physical. I had a pretty serious vitamin D deficiency. Good Lord! I had heard that people in the Pacific Northwest were likely candidates but could I really have it? I thought not. Boy, was I ever wrong. This has been one of the coldest springs on record for this area and my house is shaded on two sides by tall trees. I'm growing a lawn of moss on my rooftop for goodness sake! Heck yes I could have it! I'm starting a routine of taking 8,000 IU of vitamin D3 each day and what a turnaround my mood has taken. My feelings of worthlessness and self-pity are disappearing. I don't seem to have to keep "winding myself up" like they talk about on the TV commercials touting drug th...

About a dozen years ago, I received a box of beautifully hand-crocheted pastel granny squares partially pieced together by my husband's ex-mother-in-law's mother. This box languished in the depths of my closet until about a few months ago when I decided it was more likely to receive my attention if I brought it forth to the light of day. I looked at it each week until one day - enthusiasm struck. I was going to finish this WIP even if it did belong to someone else. Initially, I thought to give it to a young expectant couple in my husband's family but as I held this project in my hands, I imagined a different scenario. I felt that Marie would want a member of her family to receive this precious gift. I became enamored of the idea that one new unsuspecting member of Marie's family which she would never meet, could be swaddled and comforted in her creation and by extension, perhaps even in her arms. I imagined that one day perhaps someone could finish one of my WIP...

I'm sittin' there mindin' my own business, sewing together a crocheted baby blanket when I am accosted by none other than, Frankie. Frankie is the mascot at Madeline's nursing home. What a pistol!

I indulged in one of my favorite activities...growing my stash. Not that kind of stash! My yarn stash. With the tough economy and my unemployment, I knew I wouldn't be purchasing much but I did manage to make a few strategic buys. Every year there is an event called the LYS Tour (aka Local Yarn Store Tour) which covers a large area in Northwestern Washington. Last year we (my mother, sister, and I) traveled as far north as Birch Bay, as far south as Kent and as far west as Bainbridge Island, and east to Issaquah. This year they added two stores out on Whidbey Island, increasing the miles we had to travel (570 miles to be exact) but providing beautiful scenery and adorable stores to visit and learn about. Last year I bought quite a bit of yarn, I think to the tune of a few hundred dollars but this year I spent less than $75 and was shocked that I spent that much. We pared down expenses by bringing food and drink but still could not resist visiting Trophy Cupcakes and bought ...

During my trip to Ocean Shores to spend quality time with my mother, I realized that I'm glad I went. Not just for the obvious rewards of all things ocean...We got the opportunity to pour over long-unseen photographs and compare notes. Memory is funny thing, "malleable" is the word that best applies since memory is not a static thing. Malleable means flexible, moldable, pliable, and changeable. It is really based upon our own experiences, our differing points of view, where we are in our lives, etc. I really noticed the malleability during our time of reminiscence. I used to think that my mother just distorted the facts to suit her fancy (and granted I still think she does some of this but not as much as I always presumed). Sometimes it is the mere passage of time and the fact that so very much happens in our lives. There is just no possible way that we can remember every moment, nor every date, nor which event coincided with which event. That is why I feel it is...

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This weekend Rod and I took time to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary (without breaking the bank nor taking time off from work). Though we both would've liked to left for far flung places on Friday night, we opted to take the evening easy and leave at first light for our overnight in Portland. After searching online for days, I found a delightful Victorian Bed and Breakfast called The Lion and The Rose located in the historic neighborhood of Irvington, near the Rose Quarter. It was a good choice and turned out to be the time of year to get a great deal. Since we knew we wanted to bop around eating at local places we opted out of the breakfast portion (though we suspected it would have been wonderful to eat among those wonderful antiques in that opulent diningroom). This decision made our room cost a mere $99 for the night and our room, the Garden Room, was so cheerful, light, and warm that it felt special for having made it as a married couple for the past 10 years. After...

Calorimetry - scientific term describing the measurement of heat lost or gained. Also the name of a fabulous and versatile little headscarf to hold in the heat without covering the whole head. Perfect for those with long hair. I have also discovered these nifty little blasts of color are perfectly suited to keep out the cold if worn as a cowl. I like mine for the motorcycle. When I stop and can shove it back over my head and mask "helmet hair". These have become very popular with ladies working at the nursing home who want to compliment their cute little scrubs without completely sacrificing style. I've made a number of these delicious little beauties because they are so rewarding with their eye-catching colors and short row simplicity. Not to mention that shopping for cute buttons is a newfound passion. I'm probably not finished creating these. They make perfect gifts.

I decided to do a little shopping today since Thursday is my 10th wedding anniversary. Rod and I talked about doing our shopping in Portland (to save the sales tax) but I began thinking about how the majority of my shopping trips go with my husband...they suck! He gets bored easily and let's just face it, he doesn't want to spend the money. I'm glad I took this route even though I will likely "pay for it" later in disapproving looks and backhand comments. I shopped the clearance racks (of course). I knew I had gained weight and expected to be buying big stuff and didn't want to spend a lot on stuff that I hopefully won't be wearing for very long. (Do you hear that psyche? I expect to go DOWN in size.) However, it is one day before my dot (a.k.a. period) and I wasn't exactly rockin' the racks. Crap!!! I guess that means my weight isn't just gonna evaporate away on it's own. I might have to actually make a commitment. I guess I got...

2 76 77 What can I say? Apparently a designer lurks within my heart. Every once in awhile I get an overwhelming urge to make something without following a pattern. The yarn just screams to be worked into a specific shape for a specific purpose. I was sitting there minding my own business, contentedly following someone else's pattern when the feeling could not be ignored a moment longer. I dropped my knitting WIP (work-in-progress) and picked up my crochet hook and a wad of leftover yarn that my mother had given me then rooted through my own stash of leftovers to come up with this soothing combination that goes very well in my own living room. Since I liked it, I thought I should write up the pattern. No sense squandering divine inspiration by hoarding it all to myself. The pattern follows: Potted Plant Sleeve By Tina Flink Sleeve Using base color. Ch 50, join with sl st in first ch. Round 1: Chain 3 (this is the first dc), dc all around, adding one dc into bot...

Murderer! Apparently it is possible to "kill" your yarn and I did it, though I will plead to manslaughter since there was no intent to "kill". This morning at my LYS, a fellow knitting aficionado, began showing me the finer points of using the mattress stitch to join garment pieces. All at once I had an epiphany, this garment looks too wide and short. I panicked. I already knew that the length-wise gauge was off, adding one more diamond shape would have gotten me to get the proper length, but let's face it...we don't know what we don't know. I had already decided that a half shirt was perfectly acceptable and my daughter, the intended recipient, would likely wear it to the beach with her blue jeans. A quick measure confirmed my newest fear. The garment that I'd been loving working on, frogging, re-knitting, measuring and toiling over grew 2 inches in girth. It was a tragedy! Did you get that? A TRAGEDY! "How could this happen to me?...

My back is out...big time. I hurt completely around my torso, when I move and when I sit still. Last night when I felt my back "go", I was walking around a chair on my way to unplug a light, no twisting, no lifting. I just felt a quick and steady pain that increased to the point that my knees buckled slowly bringing me to a position on my hands and knees with no slack in pain. Every movement brought intense pain and though it was excruciating to remain immobile on my hands and knees, I instinctively knew that I needed to remain in that very position lest I not be able to get back up. I swore that I could feel my stomach and my ovaries and pain radiated from them as well. I tried to control my breathing though I was exhaling and inhaling through gritted teeth making loud sheeshing sounds. Since it was late and I was on my way to bed anyway, I crawled from the livingroom to the bedroom, loudly breathing and whimpering, while my husband brought a couple of Ibuprofen. My sm...

Easter Sunday dinner was at my house. We had two new faces in our crowd. My sister, Renee' appears to have a new beau (Dan) and my brother's girlfriend brought her grown daughter (Raena). It was great. We had a new audience for all the old shtick. Mom got to tell (some) of the embarrassing stories that she loves to embellish upon year after year and I got new victims (er, friends) to cook for. This year, through the wonders of the internet, I learned to cook my ham in the crock pot. Also new to my Easter repertoire is fresh baked cherry pies with Vienna vanilla ice cream on top AND chocolate-dipped strawberries. I also took the opportunity to use some very old china formerly owned by my former-mother-in-law (which will be passed down to my daughter). Kind of an odd holiday without the presence of small children to decorate for and put together imaginative Easter baskets. I didn't put up any tacky decorations save for the Easter Lily Rod bought for me and the tulips gr...

So, I'm working on this diamond tank top and I get to the second half of the second diamond and then it hits me.....This pattern is wrong! The diamonds aren't lining up correctly. Actually the diamond was too small by one whole row. I got help with the first diamond so I'm thinking, "Did my friend, Diana, do it wrong?" No, she did not. She made a bad pattern work. I figured out how to make it work properly, silently cursed the designer (or Family Circle for printing it wrong) but definitely not happy with whomever is causing me to have problems with this pattern. Then...I frog my work back to the second half of the first diamond. Yeah, my husband thought I was nuts, too. But when something isn't right and you're giving it as a gift...you take the time to make it right...and so I did. So glad that I took the time to make it right. I learned that I am capable of correcting a bad pattern. I learned that I am capable of making the tough decision to ...

Just when I thought I was all alone and lonely, I picked up the phone and I wasn't so lonely anymore. Friends are just the best when we can turn the frown upside down and uplift each other. My friend, Sunny, brought sunshine into the rainy day of my life by listening to a letter I composed with the thought of sending it to an estranged friend. She pointed out that we are not to be sorry for our feelings. Our feelings are our feelings and they are valid and necessary. We are allowed to be sorry for our actions, or inaction as it were. I agree. Another friend, Gabe, temporarily housebound due to illness, made my day by allowing me to commisseurate with him about how awful we feel about being unemployed. He showed me how we were alike in this regard, feeling useless and ashamed, but taking heart in the that this likely temporary. I also lamented the loss of a friend and the estrangement of another and told him about the steps I was taking to amend the estrangement. Validation from tr...

I finally got the courage to take those fabulous hand-knit headbands that I made to the person who commissioned them. They were sooooooo well received that I have to ask myself why I hesitated. One of her daughters (pictured here) started wearing hers immediately and I promptly got another commission along with advice to make up a selection to sell on Etsy.com. Why do I doubt my abilities?

I was hung-up, stuck, baffled by the knitting. I thought I was doing everything correctly but could not progress past a certain point. I would proceed "as if" but it wouldn't look right then I would knit backwards again, painstakingly unknitting my work. I think I did this 3 or 4 times. I was more than ready to frog it (rip it out) when the delightful Diana made a few deft movements and corrected my errors. Perserverance, I thought, that's the key. But in this case humility reigned supreme. I needed to ask for help. When I finally was able to accept the help, all was smoothed out. Isn't that the way of life in general? I push and push, perservere, then hit the brick wall of frustration. But sometimes if I humbly ask for help, I get it and realize that I wasted a whole lot of time and energy in vain.

I awoke this morning with a mission in mind. Scones to share with my fellow knitters. One of our number is a youngster and she is a marvel. She knits, crochets, and doesn't seem to mind sitting around chatting it up about life with a bunch of women who are clearly older than she is. Last week when I shared that I would be making scones, lemon curd, and devonshire cream to take to my mother-in-law's nursing home, she asked for the opportunity to try lemon curd. How could I resist? You can explain it but it takes tasting it to understand and store bought just doesn't cut it, now does it? And you can't serve lemon curd without scones and it's just not the same without Devonshire cream. See where I'm going with this? Our knitting circle was a wee bit brighter this morning as we knitted, chatted, and reached for homemade scones with all the trimmings. My young friend finished her knitted pillow project, I got help with my tank top, and we got to see the progress of ...

My knitting is coming along swimmingly. (That means really good.) The pattern seems like a good one. No surprises, yet, and the yarn (Berocco Weekend) is suitable for a summer casual top. I completed the back of the top and cast on the 90 stitches for the front and started the pattern for the reverse stockinette diamond motif. I'm so excited to work on this one. I can picture my daughter receiving it (and being excited about it) and wearing it with pride. After all, it's Mom Couture, made with LOVE just for her. Oh my God, I'm a slobbering ninny when it comes to my own kid. Just what I didn't want to be. Oh well, not a bad thing to love one's own child and bristle with pride at the thought of her. I sure hope she likes "Mom Couture".

From Family Circle Easy Knitting Magazine, Spring/Summer 2004. I chose a "Diamond Detail" motif set into a stockinette-stitch sleeveless shell with knotted fringe. I purchased 3 skeins of Berroco Weekend, a cotton/acrylic blend (25%/75%), which will allow machine washing and flat drying. My daughter sent me her measurements, which lands her between extra small and small. I'm going to opt for the small size. Entered my project info into Ravelry and ready to knit up a swatch during a meeting I'm scheduled to go to tonight. Me, my peeps, and my craft...(sigh).

Don't let it be said that I can't do things with single-minded obsession. Find a good pattern and use it up, by God! Actually, I made the burgundy headscarf for a dear friend that I owed...big time. Then a request came in to make two more for gifting...hence the earth-tone and jewel-tone versions. The last request came from my mama. She bought her own preferred color palette and I accommodated her request. Each and every one gets a genuine "Tina Trial Run" so I can document my creations for posterity. What can I say? That's just the way I roll.

My fingers have done their walking...through countless pages of knitting books and binders of patterns...through the virtual pages of Ravelry.com and Google. I've enlisted the help of the knitting group at my local yarn store (LYS). It has been days that have gelled into weeks which hopefully won't melt into months. I'm in search of inspiration. I'm hoping to be struck with that glorious divine energy when I'm powerless to stop my fingers from wrapping delicious fiber around smooth knitting needles or a gleaming crochet hook. My quest began with my desire to knit a summer tank top for my baby girl, my 23-year-old baby girl. That perfect pattern hasn't materialized, yet. I diverted my attention to other tasks. A few days later, the itch to knit is strong and if I'm not casting on a tank, then I'm willing to go on to other things. So, I dig into my stash to see if inspiration strikes. A few possibilities pop out at me. I cast on a Clapotis and quic...

Snow in March! Yeah, here we've had a very mild winter and all and Mother Nature fooled all the plants into blooming (including my beautiful pink azalea) then POW! the temperature drops and snow falls. Even though I covered my bloomers with a thick wool blanket, the next day found the blooms sodden and on the ground. There are a few left but it's glory days are past for this season. It may not be nice to fool Mother Nature but it isn't nice when Mother Nature yanks us around either. I'm just sayin'...

I have been paralyzed by pain over several losses; the loss of a couple of close friendships, the loss of my job, and the alienation of my extended family. This paralysis has been so for the past year and I am deeply ashamed by this pain and my position. Although I have avenues with which to deal with this kind of crippling pain (I have alternately chosen to use them then discard them). As a consequence I have stayed in the pain only experiencing momentary reprieves. This pain has left me feeling alien, "apart from", and unworthy. After prayer and a hot meditative bath (and a pile of books). It appears that I may have found my trouble....me. I am the cause of my own pain. I am harsh and critical of those who are close to me, not always in so many words but in my heart. They probably feel it. It's my Achilles' heel. Sometimes, irregardless of whether life is good or bad, I peer out at the world and find fault and blame. If only these people would listen....

So April showers may bring May flowers but I'm already getting some budding and blooming in my yard. Azaleas, Hyacinths, and Tulips. Oh My! Technically, the tulips have yet to bloom but I'm so tickled with the healthy growth of the sinuous green leaves popping four inches out of the ground that I'm giddy with anticipation. I was delighted to find hyacinths emerging and blooming out of an abandoned pot from last year and last but, not least, is the pink explosion of blooms that cover the dwarf azalea near my front door step. The dwarf rhody can't be far behind. I'm so so SO ready for spring and just cannot believe that we are barely into March. The onset of spring is so exhilarating for me. I've hung on each and every yellow forsythia blooming around the neighborhood and nearly burst when I get an eyeful of pink or white cherry blossoms along the public streets. Washington state remains green due to our rainfall and evergreens but compared to spring and summerti...

I have viewed my family as somehow defective most of my life. (There, I've said it.) I have always longed for the close knit family that loves and supports each other (like the Walton's). I have been a victim of the delusion that everyone else has what I want in this regard. Isn't that just me?! I don't know how good that I've got it. Yesterday, I shoe-horned my butt out the door and drove on down to my local yarn store where who was awaiting my arrival? Two members of my family. My mother and my youngest sister who share my love of knitting and fiber as well as my compulsivity with this pursuit. How lucky am I to share this pursuit which borders on addiction with members of my own family? AND how lucky am I that we knit for each other pretty regularly? I've made socks and scarves for my sister. My mother has knitted up socks for both of us girls (my third sister does not get our interest in fiber at all) as well as afghans, scarves, ponchos, and such. My mothe...

Ambitious me. During this period of unemployment, I have been in anguish over lost and wasted time. I trend towards isolation out if a sense of responsibility and duty (to my husband and obligations). I want to do my part but I get into psychological trouble with this mode of thinking. To combat this trend, I have been stepping out to seek the company of real, live human beings. When I'm holed up at home, besides satisfying my obligation to continue to actively seek work, I've taken some online courses, worked on my photography and knitting, learned how to blog, and I've started working on my 'bucket list' of reading. My bucket list of reading consists of great literary works. Personally, I trend towards popular reads by Tom Clancy, Patricia Cornwell, Ann Rule, and the like. One day (quite out of the blue) I decided to attack the grand-daddy of my bucket list - War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy. Today I finished that read. I'd estimate it has taken me about...

God awakened me this morning. Well, God, Rod, or wasn't it just odd? I tried to deny the reality of a new day dawning but when my brain refused to follow the example that my closed eyes were setting. Gracie, my cat, herded me to her food bowl (which held plenty of food, if she'd just stick her paw in to release the blocked kibble) but alas, she's a cat. I'm the hero of my cat today. Life is good.

This is the sweetest rendition of overweight I could find on Google images. It is from a Light Fit Yogurt ad campaign. Attributions aside, I just realized how far my journey back into compulsive overeating and depression has taken me. I'm in the mood to chronicle... One year ago found me celebrating my husband's birthday at a fancy boutique hotel, dolled up to "the nines" at The Nines in Portland, Oregon. I was poured into a form-fitting dress, red cashmere coat, and heels. I'll admit that I felt sexy and glamorous and a bit smug about my accomplishment of dropping 40 lbs and 4 dress sizes over the previous year. I would catch myself wondering why everyone doesn't face their demons and get i nto some program that will allow them to become all they can be. Oopsie! My downward spiral started right about that time. I began allowing myself to have little "treats". When the barista at Starbuck's gave my husband a gratis cupcake for his birthday an...

Searching for meaningful work and trying to keep my sanity. It's so easy to fall into despair and if I'm truly honest, I've been there more times than I care to admit on this go round. Have you ever tried to get work that you are perfectly capable of doing, that you've proved yourself in but found that the ground rules have changed? That's where I'm at today and I hate it. What is keeping me relatively sane today? Professional help (in the form of marriage counseling), amateur help (a support group), and the distraction of my private pursuits. I've been downloading audiobooks from the public library and listening to them during my days at home, keeping up on housework as well as pursuing my passion...knitting. I knit as much as I can get away with. My current knit project is a men's cap in a waffle-like pattern (reminds me of a men's thermal top). I'm kind of bored with it but I haven't been motivated to attack the Aran Knit Scarf that...

Getting ready for Valentine's Day . Okay, I admit that this is rare but I am actually prepared for Valentine's Day this year. Both Valentine's Day AND my Valentine's Birthday (a week later). So how about that?! I'm amazed. I'll admit it. Normally I procrastinate both of these blessed events. I waffle, stammer, and complain that my man is just too difficult to buy for (or knit for). He wants things like...a camper window purchased from a part-time vendor on E-bay. (No thanks, too risky.) Or a batch of molasses cookies. (Much too easy and common in our household. I make those quite frequently to show him that I love him.) Or he says that he just wants "Peace". (This request usually leaves me feeling under-appreciated like he's alluding that I am some kind of harpy. Gee, Honey, now I really want to make your special day pleasant.) Here's a hint, don't ask for peace if you really want it. Speaking of hints, he's dying to kno...

Duty aside, I'm so happy that I could be "of service" to my friend. It had been a long time and this was an opportunity to renew our acquaintance and bolster our friendship. This was her "hour of need" and really she did not ask all that much of me. For me, the longer we spent time together, the sunnier the day felt despite the very real encroaching rain clouds and subsequent rainfall. A ride turned into a pleasant drive, a stop at her former home to collect belongings turned into a reuniting of loved ones (not with her family but with her beloved dog), a quick stop at a store turned into lunch at a familiar place. It was as if no time had passed, just friends talking, sharing from the heart, and enjoying the simple pleasure of being together. For this opportunity, I am now truly grateful.

This morning I am picking up a friend from a hospital, not just any hospital, a mental hospital, a place that strikes fear in my heart because I fear I may end up in such a place at times. I am picking her up not as any kind of noble gesture or because of close friendship, but out of a sense of duty. I'm not very happy about this trip for many reasons, the first is the inconvenience, since it is well out of my stomping grounds and known territories. Another is the fact that when I've attempted to make contact with this friend, she could not be bothered to contact me in return. I suspect that I am one of the last people she desired to contact and for that I am chagrined at the prospect of this trip. However, in the spirit of love and tolerance, a spirit that I wish to be afforded to me when I act without conscience, I will follow through and be there at the ready. I've learned that her family is turning their backs on her and she is currently without a place to s...