Skip to main content

Vicious Cycle

Let's get gritty. Some days are definitely better than others! I lost my sh*t yesterday. Frustration combined with exhaustion gets me every stinkin' time! I'm not able to deal with stress in the same manner as I used to. I can't explain what's happening in situ because I cannot speak. I can't scream and yell because that requires air volume and diaphragm muscle strength. I cannot point, motion, or signal in any way because my fingers, hands, and arms are paralyzed. I can't expend excess energy because there is none. No walking around the block to cool off for obvious reasons.

I volumn up some but not like a normal, healthy, mature homo sapiens. I do cry piteously, from the very bottom of my heart and I am powerless to stop. Though my tears stain my face, my eyes swell, my nose runs into my mouth, (eww) sinus pressure builds up to blind me, hurt my ears, and throb my teeth. Every time I swallow my ears pop inward shooting excruciating pain inward. This pain, in turn, causes more crying which causes more pain...  It's a viscious cycle!
Labels:
Location: 2720 East Madison Street, Seattle, WA 98112, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gratitude For Reading

People are reading my blog! I cannot express my gratitude enough. My heart is soaring! Before I got ALS, it was a minor interest amongst many varied interests. Today, I am unable to physically participate in many of my prior interests, like motorcycling, photography, knitting and other handicrafts, hiking, traveling, painting, drawing, going to the gym, working in the garden, doing housework, canning, and cooking gourmet or ethnic foods. Therefore, I am more focused on the ones that are most accessible to me, such as reading via audiobook or e-book, television, movies, meditation, music appreciation, and writing. Like the blind man who's sense of hearing and smell is heightened, I'd like to think my crippled body has made me more attuned to things more on the spiritual and sensual level. Initially, when some members of my family read my blog, they chose to focus on what they viewed as negative. The feedback I got was harsh and personally critical. .I was told that I was ...
4 comments
Read more

Creep

  Have you ever used the internet to look up an old flame? How about an old arch-enemy? Did you have the intention to reconnect? Me neither.
Post a Comment
Read more

Prayer

Occasionally, we are seized with a rebellion so sickening that we simply won't pray. When these things happen we must not think too ill of ourselves. We should simply resume prayer as soon as we can, doing what we know to be good for us. -- TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, page 105  Gee, I could have saved myself years of self-reproach by taking it easy on myself. "Try" as I might, I never could make prayer, in the traditional sense, a daily occurrence for stretches longer than a month. I had good intentions but inevitably, I'd be running late and forget. Or worse, I'd get a big, fat bout of attitude about not getting my wishes (the permanent position at the Gates Foundation, being fired from my last job when my health deteriorated, the cancellation of my Panama Canal cruise, and the various abandonments I experienced following my ALS diagnosis) and off I'd go, cursing my Higher Power, turning my back, isolating, and wishing I were dead (actually, I wa...
Post a Comment
Read more